Nick really, truly sucks at being the bachelor. Everyone is mad at him because not only does he suck, but he can’t mitigate it with even feigning interest. I am not subjecting myself to this episode a second time, even for you my loyal readers. Shruggy g- oh wait, I have something for this.
Apologies for missing last week, I know it’s hard to imagine that other things might take precedence over fantasy bachelor predictions, but it happened to me. The horror.
Which tropical island do Nick and the bachelorettes visit?
Ugh. Ugggggh. Ugggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh. Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy? Why did it have to be like this?
First things first: I predicted Corinne wouldn’t last past Week 5, and I was wrong. And unfortunately we all lose as a result. Corinne and Taylor are playing two Bachelor archetypes here, and while it almost never ends well for either one, it definitely never ends well for the role that Taylor played.
The person who confronts the monster always dies. That’s just how it goes. It’s usually a noble sacrifice but it never ends up being a good look in the eyes of the bachelor himself. The monster also usually dies, but we did see Courtney Robertson ride her combination vitriol-generating indifference and Literally Being A Model to a proposal (or whatever it was). But the thing is that Corinne isn’t a model and is usually just drunk. She’s got a shitty voice and really isn’t even good television once you accept the fact that she’s an illegitimate Trump child (he spends enough time in Florida, admit it, it’s possible).
We Didn't Come Here To Make Friends 