Apologies for missing last week, I know it’s hard to imagine that other things might take precedence over fantasy bachelor predictions, but it happened to me. The horror.

Question 1

Which tropical island do Nick and the bachelorettes visit?

• St. Thomas
• St. John
• St. Martin
• St. Croix

Analysis

There’s no real way to approach this beyond a wild guess unless you’ve heard spoilers. I’m guessing St. Croix because I’m drinking a La Croix.

Question 2

Nick learns to say “kiss” in what language?

• Spanish
• Russian
• French
• Italian

So the Virgin Islands mostly speak English, but Creole French and Spanish are both spoken there as well. So it’s tempting to ditch Russian and Italian and think he’d learn to say a word based on the location he is, BUT the X-Factor here is Kristina. She’s Russian and she’s earned a date rose before so we know Nick is into her enough that she might drop some homeland knowledge on him after some smooching. I’m going with Russian. I’m also certainly overthinking this.

Question 3

Which two words does Nick use to describe the type of relationship he wants?

• Spontaneous and loving
• Trustworthy and exciting
• Communicative and honest
• Adventurous and raw

Analysis

Honestly this is like when you take those personality tests and they give you four options of paired words that are not at all connected and you have to pick which ones represent you even though you’re 90 percent sure that only an unstable person would pick any of them. It’s not that any of these are bad things (except raw, that’s a weird way to describe a type of relationship), but like, they’re all possible within the same universe and same relationship. They’re also similar, which is why it’s a difficult question, but at this point there’s no edge in being a regular watcher. Tehy found some words and used a thesaurus to make the other possible answers for this question. I’m going with option 1 since he’s mentioned spontaneity in the context of Corinne before, but we also know that he likes women who don’t take shit like Vanessa, so option 3 could be in play here too. Option 2 is basically the same as option 1 so it’s also in play. Option 4 is terrible but Nick is, wait for it, also terrible. It is also in play.

Question 4

Which of the following is on Nick’s group date card this week?

• Love’s a beach
• Let’s let nature take its course
• Surf’s up
• All hands on deck

Analysis

Who the fuck even knows? I’m picking all hands on deck because it seems very groupish. They’ve done a really good job of not hiding clues within other questions this week and like…we know they’re going to an island but any of these fit for an island, so we’re kinda up shit’s creek here. I’m picking all hands on deck for reasons to be explained later.

Question 5

TRUE OR FALSE: A bachelorette will take a dip in a hot tub with Nick during this episode.

Analysis

Look, have the last couple weeks failed to include a hot tub? Yes. Do you always answer “yes” when it comes to whether there will be a dip in a hot tub? Also yes.

Question 6

The bachelorettes show off their competitive sides while playing which activity on a group date?

• Tug of war
• Volleyball
• Badminton
• Limbo

Analysis

Again, all are reasonable beach options but I’m going with Tug of War because I think it pairs nicely with “all hands on deck.” This works for Volleyball too, but that seems a little too literal to me. Tug of war is really stupid, too, and the bachelor is nothing if not for stupid group activities.

Question 7

How many bachelorettes will Nick send home this week?

• 1
• 3
• 4
• 6

Analysis

Either 3 or 4. One of these days we’re gonna get two rose ceremonies in one show and it’ll be a huge number, but we’re also thinning the herd considerably here, so that high number might be closer to “4” than “6.” Last week it was 3, and that seems reasonable here, but so does 4. I think there’s a decent chance we get another two-on-one, plus two women going home on from the rose ceremony. That means you just need one weird variable to get to 4 total. It’s a toss up, but I’m thinking we lose 4 ladies this week.

Question 8

Which bachelorette does Nick invite to be his guest on this week’s romantic one-on-one date?

Analysis

Who even knows. I’ve gotten the last two right in a row and they were insanely lucky guesses. Corinne is always a threat. Vanessa, if she doesn’t get a one-on-one, seems like a real possibility. Raven is also up there, and just recently had an individual date so could be up for a group date. Kristina might be teaching him Russian words and that could land her a rose. Safe bets to eliminate feel like Josephine, Alexis (sigh, I’m rooting for ya girl), Jaimi, and Whitney. Probably Jasmine G. too. Pick from one of the other options and pray.

Best of luck and remember to get a nap in ahead of time.