TV Recap, Uncategorized

Viall Style: Girl Corrineterrupted

Ugh. Ugggggh. Ugggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh. Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy? Why did it have to be like this?

First things first: I predicted Corinne wouldn’t last past Week 5, and I was wrong. And unfortunately we all lose as a result. Corinne and Taylor are playing two Bachelor archetypes here, and while it almost never ends well for either one, it definitely never ends well for the role that Taylor played.

The person who confronts the monster always dies. That’s just how it goes. It’s usually a noble sacrifice but it never ends up being a good look in the eyes of the bachelor himself. The monster also usually dies, but we did see Courtney Robertson ride her combination vitriol-generating indifference and Literally Being A Model to a proposal (or whatever it was). But the thing is that Corinne isn’t a model and is usually just drunk. She’s got a shitty voice and really isn’t even good television once you accept the fact that she’s an illegitimate Trump child (he spends enough time in Florida, admit it, it’s possible).

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ABC, Uncategorized

Fantasy Bachelor: Week 4 Preview

Last week’s preview was a winner. We nailed four of six questions and also got insanely lucky by guessing Danielle L. as the winner of the most awkward dance I’ve ever seen since Carlton Banks graced our airwaves. This week has added two more questions to the mix which just means two more opportunities to mess up! Let’s get to it.

Question 1

The bachelorettes get to travel this week! Where does Nick whisk them off to?

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Uncategorized

Fantasy Bachelor: Week 3 Preview

Since I’ve had some time to kill recently and I’m tired of meticulously tracking down Chris Harrison’s “casual” line of plaid button ups so I can re-enact The Bachelor in the privacy of my own home (I’ve really been practicing the “coming up” voiceover), let’s go over what ABC has concocted for Week 3 of The Bachelor.

For those who don’t know, for the first time ABC has created a Bachelor fantasy game wherein they give you multiple choice and/or true/false questions prior to each week’s show, and you guess what will or won’t happen. Points are awarded for correct guesses. Simple.

Question 1

The Backstreet Boys visit the mansion this week! What hint do they give the bachelorettes about an upcoming date?

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ABC, TV Recap, Uncategorized

A Talk to Remember: Meeting the Ladies of The Bachelor

2016 has been utter trash but at least 2017 is starting things off right, with The Bachelor returning on January 2. I’m one of the rare folks out there that prefers The Bachelorette’s brotastic culture to the shimmering beauty of The Bachelor, but all told it’s a step in the right direction for 2017. Nick Viall is our main man this season, and we’re in danger of an overdose, as the artist formerly known as Normcore Nick has appeared on two Bachelorette seasons, plus Bachelor in Paradise.

He took a star turn on BiP, complete with a new shapeup which dramatically improved his attractiveness in your humble author’s opinion. The new hair, a rockin’ beach bod, and a willingness to tell Josh off made him a fan favorite. Now, let’s take some time to meet the lovely ladies who wish to steal his heart.

Contestant: Alexis

Relevant Details

Age: 23
Occupation: Aspiring Dolphin Trainer
What are five things you can’t live without? My family, my dog, my best friend, my fake eyelashes and whitening strips

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