TLC, TV Recap

Sex Sent Me To The ER: Chore Time

(This is another tale of woe from the January 9th episode of Sex Sent Me To The ER. To participate in a threesome gone wrong from the same episode, click here.)

All is quiet at the emergency room, nurses and physicians just standing around chatting, when a woman rushes through the doors pushing a vacuum cleaner.

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“Ma’am, the appliance repair store is right around the corner,” our guy in green scrubs helpfully mansplains. From the other side of the door comes a panicked voice. A panicked male voice.

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I don’t think that’s where that goes.

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TLC, TV Recap

Sex Sent Me To The ER: Three’s A Crowd

Meet Pedro and Noriko. They’ve been together for four years after meeting at a local comedy club where they each participate in open mic night.

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Wait, hold on. That’s not Pedro and Noriko. This is Pedro and Noriko. The puppet is Clarence. You’ll want to remember Clarence.

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TLC, TV Recap

Sex Sent Me To The ER: It’s Like A Facial

(Each weekly episode of Sex Sent Me To The ER features three stories of whoopee whoopsies, but two of the ones this week are boring, so let’s focus on the story of one lady and her “Lady Jane”.)

Meet Josh and Amber. The first thing we learn about Josh and Amber is that they have been together for six years. The second thing we learn about Josh and Amber is that they love morning sex, calling it a “great way to start the day.” Amber will soon learn that this particular day will not turn out so great for her and her hoo-ha.

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Note: TLC doesn’t have this episode online, but one of the main production points of Sex Sent Me To The ER is cutaways to background objects violently shaking to indicate that our dramatic re-enactors are, in fact, doing (well, simulating) the deed. Today’s edition of Violently Shaking Background Objects Used To Indicate Sexual Intercourse:

  • An overhead Tiffany-style lamp
  • The headboard
  • An abstract wall painting
  • A closet door
  • An exterior patio door
  • A vase of faux flowers

Gotta lock those doors, people. With that out of the way, it’s time to head down the path of gruesome genital injury!
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TLC

Sex Sent Me To The ER: A Primer

Sex Sent Me To The ER is, by title alone, exactly what it sounds like. And by being exactly what it sounds like, we find ourselves with a set of three guiding principles to lead us like the North Star through these amorous atrocities if the North Star were to fall from the sky and damage your genitals:

  • Wow
  • How
  • Owwww

If you’ve never seen the show, or you’ve made it this far and still don’t quite understand what we’re dealing with here, allow me to assist.

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