Bravo, TV Recap

VPR: New Blood (S4 E2)

Enter Lala

Lala “has been modeling since [she] was 12” so being a waitress is her “first real job.” She immediately decides to go to Venice despite having shifts scheduled, and says she takes the job (seating people) as seriously as it deserves, which is a fair point except she literally just said it was her first real job. When Lisa asked her how things were going her reply of “well nobody has punched me in the face and called me a bitch yet” should have been seen as an omen. She could use a little of column A and a little of column B in this author’s humble opinion.

Jax’s girlfriend…fling? Main piece? Lady friend? Let’s go with lady friend, Brittany is all of a sudden in LA and looks eerily like Lala. Odds that this is the same person and they’re trying to cast her in two different roles? I put nothing past the Bravo execs. Jax thinks Lisa is going to hire Brala even though Lisa is stridently opposed to hiring couples. Jax set Brala up for success for this interview by actually not preparing her at all and allowing her to take the meeting wearing a romper and not having a resumé. Jax takes advantage of Brala being in an interview to hit on Actual Lala.

Ugh Kristen

Because Kristen appears to be contractually obligated to ruin every episode, the drama in “New Blood” mostly centers around old news Kristen and James and their animated corpse of a relationship. Their current clusterfuck of shame, hurt, and indifference centers on James calling an Uber at 6 AM for a woman he went home with. Scheartreuse has dubbed this…I’ll let her tell you:

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Bravo, TV Recap

VPR: Playtime’s Over (S4 E1)

Brief Introduction

Hello and welcome. Welcome to We Didn’t Come Here to Make Friends, which is, in case you were wondering, an ideal length for a blog name. It also shortens to handy acronym: WDCHTMF. Rolls right off the uvula.

You might think that our inaugural post would focus on the sort of Bad Reality Television that inspired the name for our humble blog: your Bachelor/ette, your… well basically any of the Bachelor/ette franchises. You might think that. But no, we’re going to start with a show that perfectly displays the reason why one doesn’t come on a reality show to make or be friends.

Vanderpump Rules

That show, dear reader, is Vanderpump Rules, which we pick up in its (stunningly) fourth season (seriously how are we in the fourth season of this disease-ridden franchise?).

While there was a lot of narrative to catch up on, this was something of a tame premier. We open with Lisa openly calling out members of her staff in front of everyone, which is a power (but also a dick) move. This meeting serves not only to let us know that SUR (Sexy Unique Restaurant (for true though)) is getting some work done, and that our hero Jax Taylor is undergoing a third round of surgery on his nose.

Ugh Kristen

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